Sworn in, sold out, sucked dry Fucked up, broken down, and left to die So help me god I am condemned to speak only truth No matter how much it kills me I’ll write the Dead Sea scrolls with the ink of my own blood And eviscerate the parts of me that I pretend to love From this point forward there’s no use in regrets Because looking back would only snap my neck

Bastards with broken castles Spend their whole lives Fighting for nothing That they were not born with We all need a stone to carry We all need a war to lose Gorging their manic egos On fantasies Bloated and swollen Smugness and self-pity Visual Vultures gnawing on their own bones Sad sack jesters dance for an empty throne Blinded witness begging for mercy Hanging judges bloodthirsty jury We all need a stone to carry So who’s to say that their burden is harder to bear?

You swear to me that you can feel it That it’s right under the surface You’re going to have to show me Because I can’t see it Blood on my hands and glass in yours We spit out ash instead of words Stumbling down the stairs Do you want me to love you? Or do you want my respect? Even though I have seen you Pull puppet strings until you broke their necks Whispering “Who do you love?” You say that you are damaged And you need me to be the gauze You want to tear me open And dig until you find the cause Of our pain

You smile nervously as I bear my teeth. If I could pin you down onto the concrete I would. Doesn’t this feel so unnatural to you? The specks of blood drop on your t-shirt, so excuse me if I stare It’s the only thing I know how to do at a time like this For the first time in months, I think I’m in love

Every morning I vomit my dreams onto the bathroom floor They emerge half formed and half dissolved I see myself in every stain I wipe it away until not a drop remains In their wake is a vision A forewarning of how this will end Wrapping my icy fingers Around the throats of my friends Pounding away at flesh until nothing is left

These calloused hands and broken bones They cannot bear the weight you hold The road you walked through certain death Through constant shadow with bated breath The walls you built to keep me safe I tore them down for my escape Don’t talk to me about sacrifice I’ve traded in my future for this Don’t talk to me about perseverance I’ve tied myself to a sinking ship I’ve run away from certainty From the clear weather you’d given me Nine grinning vultures circle above me They watch my every move they lick their bloody lips While I climb to the precipice they wait for me to slip Though surely this is suicide I have no hesitation Through fire I shall march this is my tribulation There is no plan B. There is no escape.

All of my heroes have cigarettes for hands Light the incense in the valley of the damned I slither and slide through halls of stone While you sleep with him I’ll dine alone On poison and glass till my stomach is filled And all of the virtues I once had are killed Just what have I become? Acid drips from the tip of my tongue Bring your holy lance to impale me A living error I shall forever be I grasp and claw for the moon up above I’ll learn to hate all that which you love I’ll tear off the skin in which I hide So you can see how damaged I am inside

And I never saw her again Lost in a world with no light I wander through abandoned streets In the shadows of her bones Halcyon has burnt down The city is nothing but memories now I ride the trains that pierce through her skin In search of an exit from the limbo I am in Crawling deep into each other’s wounds One last embrace her arms are my tomb Her whispers echo through the empty alleyways I am nothing but a ghost haunting her flattened veins The scaffolding breaks, the wires snap, an angel falls to the earth Grey skies hang over Red Hook, but nothing stops her thirst I can see her skull under every face Inside each reflection I can feel her burning gaze The scaffolding breaks The wires snap An angel falls to the earth

Product of my despair Vessel of my hope Red-eyed girl falls apart at the seams Smiling as she crumbles Wrapped in bandages Gripping broken glass “If I die tonight I’ll just be replaced” Red-haired boy with his jaw bolted shut As if it’ll hold him together Clinging desperately To every word of praise “I won’t run away If you don’t abandon me” We are sliding towards the center Slipping away Inevitably

Something about the way The setting sun hits the face Of the glass and steel of the skyline Cripples me, holds me down Shivers straight to the spine Shockwaves down to the root of it all Ghosts in the alleyways I wonder when they will fade Statues frozen in gold Stained windows to the soul Brownstone corridors Yellow lamps and corner stores There’s no place in this borough safe for me to hide Behind each door are memories Entire world’s I’ll never see Just remnants of that naïve light I can feel it going, their grip is giving out The street names shift around me and monuments tumble down I wish I could take back every stupid thing I’ve said I wish some twisted angel would push me off the edge But madness wouldn’t bring back all the things I’ve left behind Or give me the motivation to lift my nose up from the grind So the best that I can do, as I drown in LCL Is promise the ghost of summers past to make a heaven of this hell

I’d carve my name into space If that would wipe away all my mistakes I will never be in perfect health But I am sick of being sick of myself I’ve broken bones and I’ve broken vows My apologies won’t save me now The execution guns are drawn When the rope is cut I’ll still hang on Blood on my hands, the verdict in yours I put my trust in the justice of this court Guilty as charged

16 million eyes trained on the stage In the cover of darkness we hide from their gaze Naked to the world until the curtain falls The spotlight searches out and highlights all our flaws Blissfully aware that they are being watched The actors ignore me without a passing thought I am the watcher on the moon I am the fly on the wall You will forget by the morning but I will remember it all Where I come from, sleep does not exist We never close eyes unless we’re stabbed or we’re kissed The sun starts to rise just as my mind starts to rest While my friends take more shots than a bullet proof vest We drift from house to house but I am still out of place Not one word in edge wise, not a runner in this race My tongue is tied my lips are sealed No matter what happens I cannot interfere And so it’s come to this, all the lines are crossed The witnesses and evidence are evidently merciless The prosecution rests on a bed of half used cigarettes A few still lit are burning holes in the shape of holy triangles Now you find yourself in a soothing embrace “This girl looks so familiar, but her name I can’t quite place” She whispers in your ear, the sweetest melody “This is how your record ends, Instrumentality”

Would I rather be alone in Prospect Park or on loan to the Southern Loop? To me it’s not that simple, but it’s all the same to you Cause whether this train is elevated or six feet underground We’ll ride these tracks all the way back to the home we never found So what’s one more sleepless summer night in the grand scheme of things? I’ve got plenty of time in the winter to sleep until the spring But no matter what they tell you kid, it’s no fun waking up In world where all the magic is dead and the governments corrupt When the wind picks up and carries me right out of Chicago I’ll crawl on hands and knees to the only borough I know Where I can close my eyes and hide my head from instrumentality Before working for another paycheck from the N.E.R.V. I reject every label you’ve grafted to my skin But I know I'm not one in a million I accept that this fight is one that I won’t win But god damn it some one has to be the villain Maybe someday I will decide between State Street and 7th ave Instead of splitting down the middle what little time we have So take your clocks and set them back 10 years in the past Cause all the fun we’re having now, you know that it won’t last The backyard buzz and basement binges, the fire escapes and burning bridges The end of the world can’t take that away from me I reject the idea that I cannot be myself Cause I’m nothing if I’m not determined I accept that I will always be second best And no matter what I do I am vermin I promise that I won’t run away No matter how bad things get I’ve made my mistakes and I’m done for the day And who gives a fuck about regret? CONGRATULATIONS!